Showing up to myself

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I didn’t want to show up today.

It’s easier to hide from yourself than from others I find.

I found myself wanting to forget today. Just let it slip by as another forgettable 24 hours in my life.

Not that anything terrible even happened. By and large we had a lovely day; fun outing, Conversations with beautiful friends. When I have a down moment, it stands out more prominently to me than the positives. Perhaps because I resist them more. I want those moments to be different and I chastise myself for feeling how I feel. And consequently, I want to leave the whole day behind, hide away and start afresh tomorrow. I want to hide from my own awareness.

But I decided to show up to myself. To be here anyway. I want to stop resisting the downs that come with the ups. Hmm, that’s quite the double negative. Reframe: I desire to embrace how I feel. To give attention to how I feel, to validate my emotions, to remind myself this is OK. And then to let them flow and change as they always do when you don’t push back against them. I desire to flow.

Flow.

I can do that.

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