The creative process is an interesting one to observe in myself, 10 minutes ago, I had nothin’
No will to write and nothing to write about. Well, there is always EVERYTHING to write about but nothing sticking out at the time.
And now, I got a whole post written in my head in almost an instant. Now it’s just a matter of transforming that block of thought into typed words. Three things I wanna write about:
One. Some of my old stories were playing out this evening. Getting progressive louder during the day. These stories brought to my attention from reading The Happiness Trap. The ‘I hate my life’ story, The ‘I never get to do anything I want to do’ story. The ‘I am so crap at this and why can’t I just sort my shit’ story. All very dramatic, extrapolative (is that a word? I can’t be bothered googling a thesaurus for the word I want) and almost entirely false. Definitely entirely unhelpful.
Almost fought back hard and squashed down those lovely tales (with pancakes). Decided instead to sit my ass down on a cushion and notice. And breathe. And almost immediately, the insight comes and the words flow and I can’t help but write. So that’s the first thing, was proud I sat with instead of squished some of the feels today,
Two. Went to a school holiday library event today. Bunch of lovely school aged kids sitting in a circle, there to be taught some stuff about a subject I assume they were at least slightly interested in seen as they were there and all, by a kind lady who was doing her best. My child, younger that the others, sat for a while, drew a bit while the lady dolled out drawing instructions, which she didn’t follow ’cause she is 3 and all, then went off to the side and made an epic slide out of bean bags
For what was meant to be a fun and interesting session all the other kids looked…obligated. They sat still and did what they were told. A few seemed slightly more interested than others but no one smiled. None of them left the circle even though they we able to. Surely some of them wanted to leave? For a bunch of 6-8 years olds, they seemed so listless. Especially compared to my one, throwing herself joyfully down her creation.
It made me wonder, when exactly do we lose our zest for life and our connection to what our internal positive drives are urging us to do? When do we stop smiling? When do we start staying in the circle even though we are bored and free to escape? I always assumed it happened in adulthood or maybe a slow decline in joy and inspiration from adolescence but not age 7!!
I want that sparkle, presence and trust that my desires are right and good back again. At least for some of the time. Lucky I got a great role model.
Three. A quote that brought a few tears of resonance to my eyes today, from The Sophia Code ” I explored the divinity of my humanity within the prayer of bearing children, making love, preparing food and creating sacred spaces.”
There are so many different paths on this journey of full, awakened, whole hearted living. Maybe the same things I make up crappy stories about, stories which dull my sparkle and remembrance, are the very same things that could be my prayer and path.
Much to ponder.
Night night x