I’m getting better at discernment.
I worried for years that I didn’t have any strong opinions about anything because I get largely swayed by whatever opinion I am taking in at the time. Which is funny now because those who know me have seen me go off on a passionate rant or two on subjects I feel pretty rock solid about.
At the time, my thirst for knowledge meant I read a large number of non-fiction books and would be so torn by conflicting information. I was either throwing myself into the belief system of whatever I was reading or feeling totally overwhelmed because I couldn’t figure out what was the ‘right’ way, so would do nothing all with the info I gathered.
I was so worried about not being wrong (Damn school culture for rewarding that into me), that what I felt was right would change and the continuity police would come get me.
Now I know, it’s OK to change my mind. It’s OK for my beliefs to evolve. Deepen. That doesn’t necessarily make my earlier beliefs wrong (except when they are. And that’s OK too) just because they are….
I am struggling to find a word that doesn’t have a negative connotation attached; shallow, immature, less evolved, newer, younger…Hmm, I can also see links here to why our society thinks so little of children, we often view an earlier stage as lesser, not fully worthy or right until it is in some kind of completed state. Same as our cultures pursuit of more and missing the joy in the journey. I digress.
What I am coming to know is;
That what I thought then was valid. And is OK just as it was.
That what I think now is valid. And is OK just as it is.
Each author, teacher, speaker, expert offers a piece, a perspective. Their work is a contrition not the whole story. They are not doing a disservice because they can’t give their audience every single step and every bit of necessary information for their journey. Even if I don’t find their contribution helpful or true for me, that is still useful exploration and feedback. They don’t need to have it all figured it and know it all.
And lo and behold (!)….
Neither do I.
Would be a bloody boring journey if I did. I know now my fear that a client will come back to me one day and tell me off (with those damn continuity police in tow) for not having every answer they ever needed, is slightly irrational (slightly? Very).
Well, that was quite a few words to really say,
I am really glad I can now read a book, enjoy it, and at the same time (gasp!) not agree with every bit of it.
The best bit for my people pleasing potentiality,
the author will never even know.